Evening journal
28 minutes of uninterrupted, unfiltered writing
I am going to challenge myself to write whatever is at my fingertips and not edit and just publish like it’s my journal because really life is too short to spend so much time editing and making myself a certain type of person on the internet. Here we are (time: 7:35pm):
I just got done with my therapy session and once again felt I could say “love you” to my therapist as I hung up like I do to my mom or husband as we say goodnight or head out the door. Earlier today she watched the video I sent her of our wedding in June that was delivered to us last week. She responded back saying “tissues for sure - but not just for an eye dab - I as full blown crying such that my dog jumped down from the sofa across the room to check on me!” And tonight she listened to me talk about how relieved I feel to get our wedding photos back; beautiful still reminders that that day was in fact not a dream and was very real, alive and full. I told her about how I FaceTimed my parents the other night and just watched only their faces as they watched the wedding video for the first time on their TV and they were both beaming and crying and laughing and it filled me up with so much joy. I also told my therapist that I feel a sort of aching to sit with a friend and go through the photos together, as my life just isn’t fully set up for that to happen at this time and that’s ok but also something I can long for. And that things always have a way of working out (see: “On Connecting in an Age of Disconnection” from almost 1 year ago).
I am trying to lean into some creative energy lately (re: me randomly coaxing myself to post on Substack for the first time in months). I am finally reading a book I love after coaxing (actually, forcing) myself to finish books I didn’t love. This one is called The Berry Pickers by Amanda Peterson and I am almost done with it and think I am about to become emotionally devastated. I am scheduled to take an 8 week creative writing class online that starts at the end of this month and I feel like a giddy child ready for school to start. It’s been a goal of mine to write a solid short story, as I haven’t written one since college (!!?!) and I know I am capable but also feel scared of it. I am consuming more short stories these days in literary mags and finish one and think I could never have come up with that. Which feels kind of like a dumb thought but is just an example of the fear in my brain. I know I can do it, I just need a little guidance.
I started making a list of “creative inspirations” on my notes app. here is what I have so far:
“I need this plastered on the walls of my brain” - said by someone captioning a quote they posted on substack. the posted quote didn’t stick with me though, their caption of the quote did. I like thinking of the brain as a cozy room with a rug and a single bulb hanging from the ceiling and cozy little blankets with pictures on the walls.
I am terrified of hitting deer and upon driving back up north, during golden hour, I saw one standing on the side of the road on the highway. I braked hard and gasped and tensed up as I slowly rolled by it. It looked at me so calmly and tenderly and as I looked in the review it just slowly walked across the road (it was a quiet highway fyi). Ironically enough I had just finished listening to a podcast about how we can be more like animals (in a beautiful way). It made me laugh to myself.
“Claire’s seemed to exist for precisely that time in one’s life: old enough to get your ears pierced, young enough to be scared; old enough to want a purse, young enough to not have much to fill it with; old enough to have the allowance money to buy a scrunchie, young enough to think it could change you. That moment is sacred, and I know now that it ends quickly.” - “What Claire’s Once Gave Tween Girls” from The Atlantic
Send good vibes for my storyboard inspiration - the class is about the importance of creating character and setting which is obviously a great starting point.
I am listening to my fall 2024 playlist and the song “All My Love” from Coldplay is playing which was our first dance song. I remember now why it’s on the fall playlist, because I first heard it on SNL last fall when they performed it as the musical guest under twinkling lights and I looked to James and said “this is it!”
Ok whew, signing off now. Time: 8:03 pm.
Did you enjoy this?
Love,
Bridget
